The Final Drawings in the year of Our Lord; 2010

The first of drawing of the final two projects is "The Scars Throughout, Within". This piece has been fine tuned over the past, ten or so, odd years. It started with an etching of a man caught in a sort of brick back drop, or field. A completely subconscious thought during an early attempt at a polished narrative. I ended up drawing that figure several times within the course of a few years. I sold a bright tube colored painting of it, and even bequeathed the colored pencil rendering of the piece to the buyer. I have many ties with the figure. It is an abstraction of self, and there are many ties, and layers that become more and more apparent when an artists decides to use themselves as subject matter that bubble up from inside. The fetal position is a re-occurring theme in my work, and the ties to it are before I awoke to my own awareness. I was a breach birth, that is when I was born I came out backwards, bottom first, with the umbilical cord around my neck. They had to put me in an incubation chamber and a tube was inserted into the side of my chest to inflate my lung, which had collapsed while still in-utero. The cords that suspend the fetal figure are intended to be interpreted as bonds, or chains, in the form of veins. This shows that the figures biological make up is the very thing that keeps him caught in his current form of stasis. I had not noticed until today that the vein leading out of his side is the same place as the scar on my side from when I was an infant. Others then raised an interesting point of correlation to the Christ as well. Pre-natal resuscitation has some interesting historical, and anthropological correlations given our current point of evolution. The composition, however is meant to be viewed as if the light source were emulating form the page, around the figure, showing the dynamics of collapse, and stoic suspension, not the birth of a half dead psuedo-christ. I also was striving for clean and crisp lines, and a simplification of my drawing process to negate the sketchiness that is common in a lot of work. If I were to change anything I would perhaps go over the piece once more with some softer graphite to give the piece more definition and even more clarity. It is odd that a fetal figure stays half animated while a seated figure is automatically associated with being at ease in world of the living. That is why my second piece "Delirium Tremens" is created with charcoal an ink, as well as pencil; as to give the piece a hierarchy, and punch that has impact synonymous with the subject itself. I also wanted a mirror to the other piece to represent a dark symbiotic relationship between the two pieces. They were not meant to be viewed together as a single piece by any means, but as the artist it is apparent that they were created in the same time span.

Delirium Tremens is the shakes. When a person becomes an alcoholic their body becomes dependent upon alcohol, as well as being poisoned by it, the truth behind any addiction. Delirium Tremens are the tremors that run through poisoned veins causing the hand to shake uncontrollably. I have had struggles with alcoholism in the past, and given the recent developments on campus I thought now would be a good time to make the statement. It is a statement of fear, exhaust, and self inflicted helplessness. The man seated cannot get up, cannot leave his room, and cannot even hold a glass anymore. His face is distinguished by a shadow of a death mask, and he is half naked. I wanted to utilize an ink wash over the charcoal to give a bleeding aesthetic, like the pouring of an empty bottle. A visual synecdoche that would help translate the piece in the visual language of mark making, causing those made marks to blur and distort. The choice of charcoal for media was intentional, for a bit of grittiness that I wanted the composition to hold in its design. The ink also unifies the page, lending to the sense of chiaroscuro in an off kilter manner in order to heighten the "delirium". It is personal, as well as comprehensive, and a piece that, in essence, is "on time".

Emulation: Why Scheile, and How.

In this project I decided to emulate Egon Schiele, the Viennese Expressionist. The first aspect of Schiele that I modeled my piece after was the portrait. Egon was said to have a body of work that was exhausted in self portraiture. Other aspects that are notable are the deliberation of the mark that flattens the image, bringing it closer to the canvas, or page. Also, there is a familiar feel of simplification to the composition, and emphasis on line quality that is not to be ignored. The piece that is foremost in my mind is a self-portrait sitting minus the chair. It is the model for the composition. I also decided to emulate the quilt pattering in the heavier marks of some of Schiele's
more ambitious paintings, most notably "Death and the Maiden", and "Agony", as well at the patterned background in many of his landscapes. I wanted to maintain my own sense of aestheticism, so I kept my own hand the prominent quality in the piece, just as Shiele would. In this way I was able to abandon a mere copy and keep the work mine. In short the aspect of Expressionism was kept only in theory in order to maintain the integrity of the piece, though the construction of the composition was all borrowed. The major dichotomy between a Schiele piece and my emulation is the absence of watercolor, but the remainder still being charcoal. In closing the styles may differ but the theory of aesthetic is upheld.

The Gentle Abstract Narrative; "Underneath My Night Sky"

This piece was a struggle for me, but in the end I considered it a success. I used an old concept that I have rehashed several times before the concept worked itself out. This final version oil on glass. What I hoped for the piece to reflect was the polarization "gentle" and the hard definition of the surface of the glass. The narrative would carry the idea the rest of the way. The beginning concept was a man lying underneath the night sky underneath a meteor shower. I wanted a bridge in the composition to symbolize the connection between the man and the sky. What happened later was I decided to redraw a failed painting and used some borrowed imagery, so I incorporated a bridge ruin, but still did not have a handle on the figure, so I attempted a few stills of myself lying in my apartment. It was not until four months later this past winter break when I asked my brother to take a few shots of me on the floor until the figure finally emerged. Still the piece was not ready. I had the composition but not the representation. There was no voice, no identity. In a moment of experimentation I printed out the photo and the used cray pa's to go over the print, then the vehicle presented itself. A voice of it's own had finally called out and now I could speak. A man lying in a glass field in patch grass, or flower bed. Stoic, and living. When the opportunity presented itself in the form of a gentle abstract narrative I jumped at the chance to put the work into production. I had found a pane of glass about to be thrown out and it was perfect for the feeling that I wanted the work to carry with it. The finished product has a stain glass aesthetic, and there are parts of the window pane left unpainted, this helps with the transition of light that follow across piece within dark and light contrast of the paint. The lighting is the key to the viewing. Up close it looks dirty, to much light in the wrong place and it seems overworked. but when lit well the tired remains of a man rest gently under the falling night sky, at bliss in a ray of pure hard light, resting gently in a place of his own,"Underneath My Night Sky".